I’m an expert at disappointing myself. I have such a high standard for myself and the things that I do that it’s just improbable that I’ll ever achieve that level. But sometimes I do and boy does that feel good. So for that reason, I’m always chasing the improbable.

However there are the times I don’t and I just end up in a funk. That’s not good for anyone especially me. I can’t even look at what I did accomplish because I can only think of what I didn’t.

I’ve loosened up a lot over the years, and I can now see those accomplishments much better. But I still think on what I didn’t do and how disappointing that feels.

If you feel like you’re in a funk and constantly disappointing yourself, you’re not alone. Here’s what I’m doing to work with these feelings:

Lowering my expectations

This is such a no-brainer, but it’s also easier said than done. I think it’s better to think of lowering your expectations as a practice than as a switch.

The way I handle this is I do let my brain wander of its own accord to make pie in the sky goals and plans. For example, I decided I needed notecards. Just simple personal notecards for thanking people or writing a quick note on. Most people would probably start with finding designs. My brain did not start there. My brain wanted to make paper, so I let it research all of the different ways to make paper. Because I did this instead of instantly vetoing the idea, I found out how there was no way the paper would be good for printing on or writing on. So I was able to take my expectations down a notch. I didn’t make paper and went to the actual first step of designing the notecards pretty seamlessly.

Basically, if you’re not able to lower your expectations on your own, think through all of the ramifications of trying to achieve what’s in your head. When you put pen to paper to really figure it out, you’ll quickly realize the things that you need to let go of so you can get to your actual goal. Creating a plan has a way of simplifying things so you aren’t disappointing yourself at the end of it all.

Keep an eye on the good

When your eye is constantly on what didn’t happen, it’s super easy to forget what did happen. So when that disappointment starts creeping in, it’s time to flip things.

I found this especially true when I was potty training my child. There was one goal: pee and poop in the potty. And we kept falling short of that goal. As I was cleaning up yet another accident, that was the only place my mind would go: We were not achieving the goal. That became we will never achieve the goal. That brought me to a dark place where I thought cleaning up pee and poop was my life forever.

But when I took a step back from that, I started listing out everything that was going right. My daughter was starting to realize when her body was peeing or pooping. Then I saw her starting to stop it so we could get to the potty. And so on and so on (because I can’t possibly use “pee” or “poop” even more times on a professional blog post).  There were all these tiny milestones that showed she was getting it. It turned out when I started celebrating those milestones within myself, the rest of it got so much easier.

When you feel like you didn’t achieve that big goal, write yourself a list. Write down everything that went right, and I mean EVERYTHING. There is nothing too small to write down. And when you’re done, read it back to yourself. You’ll probably feel a whole lot different after this exercise about what you have done. Even if you’re feeling like you’re disappointing yourself, you’ve most likely made a whole lot more progress than you believe.

Have a good sounding board

I don’t officially have anyone else in my company but that doesn’t mean I don’t have some sounding boards that help me get business done. And in some cases, they put things in perspective as well.

Usually when I’m stuck in my head about disappointing myself and can’t quite dig myself out, I contact one of these solid sounding boards (usually the same one and they know who they are). They’ll talk me through what did go right and they’ll help me lower these too high expectations I put upon myself. This is invaluable for me and keeps me in the right mindset to get my work done.

Putting together an unofficial team that can help you get work done is a must-have when you work by yourself. Networking online and off is the best way to do that. My team has come from all different areas of my life, so I can’t even tell you one for-sure way to develop this team. Just continually putting yourself out there, even when you don’t wanna, seems to work for me.

Wanting to always accomplish at the highest standards is a great thing. But it also can be a recipe for constantly disappointing yourself. So managing that in a way that it won’t get problematic is key.

How are you managing disappointing yourself?