I used to be so lonely. It didn’t make sense to me. I was talking to people constantly and felt like I had so many humans in my life. But the fact was that I wasn’t getting out of my house much and I was only talking to people on social media. This was also before the pandemic.

When the pandemic came along, things understandably got much, much worse. My anxieties were at an all time high. I lost all of my clients, because all of them let everyone go except a very slim emergency staff. I felt like I could get sick if I even took a step outside of my house (ridiculous but it was how I felt at the time), and because I have an underlying condition, I just knew I would end up in the hospital if I got COVID. All of this anxiety just added to my being lonely.

Now, I’m stuck in a house with my daughter. My pre-daughter friends are in a different stage of their lives and their schedules never quite line up with what I can do. The newer friends are very different and are coming into my life due to my daughter, not me. So the relationship is very different and they are stuck with their own rigid schedules.

The result is that I sometimes feel very lonely, and I don’t think I’m alone in that. I think the more digital our world has become, the lonelier humans have become. A lot of this is because of how much more work it is to not be lonely. When you are running a business, caring for a toddler and just trying to live, do you really want to do any extra work? Nope. It’s easier to live in a lonely space.

I’ve been trying different things, and I am currently the least lonely I’ve ever been. So maybe one of these ideas will work for you.

Take the person option

The amount of things I can do without even talking to a human being is absolutely mind boggling. At times, if I’m in a rush, it’s the right option, so I can get to the next thing. But I realized it was fast becoming the wrong option for me.

It started off with just bringing my daughter to the library and not realizing their were self-serve kiosks. And then when I realized the kiosks were there, I had grown attached to talking to the librarians. My daughter also loved interacting with them and giving them her book for check out. I couldn’t even comprehend the idea of no longer doing that. And even though it’s not a huge interaction, it perks me up for the rest of the day.

Because of this, I’ve chosen to have more of these little human interactions whenever it makes sense. It takes a little more time, but its impact just seems to matter to me.

Carve out personal time

After my daughter was born, I was recovering from preeclampsia. So of course one of the first things I did was to look for a new run club in my new neighborhood. It made no sense, but when I was six weeks postpartum, I found myself in a park with my daughter and a jogging stroller. I didn’t run that day, but I did walk with some new people.

Now I make it a non-negotiable that I take Tuesday off from being a parent and I go to run club. My daughter went that first night, but she hasn’t been back since. It changes the dynamic when I have my kiddo along for the ride. I can’t run with the people I normally would, because I go MUCH slower with a jogging stroller. And I just am more worried about my child’s well-being than I am about talking to people.

Just having that one night helps. I’ve made friendships that I know are lifelong, and the work I’m doing on myself helps me feel more mentally strong. And if I don’t show up, I always have someone checking in to see if I’m coming back, which really goes a long way towards making me feel less lonely.

Have some tea time

My neighborhood has tea time in our local learning garden every week. I don’t know what the original purpose was, but it has turned into our local families with young children coming to this garden to let the kiddos play while the adults catch up. Because of this, I have gotten to know people who live just blocks from me with kids the same age as mine. But unlike a story time, the programming isn’t just directed at our kids and there’s space for the adults to come together as well. In fact, the educator at the garden has been known to take our kids on “adventures” through to garden to give us even more space.

I know that this is something that isn’t available to everyone. But getting involved in this way with my neighborhood has done the most towards making me feel less lonely. Maybe there isn’t an organized tea time in your area, but maybe you drop some baked goods off at your neighbors’ houses to get to know them better. Or maybe you go as far as my partner and mow the lawn of anyone who needs it.

In the end, developing some kind of in-person connection, whether it’s in your neighborhood or when you’re off running errands, makes a huge difference. It’s those moments of connection that will remind you that you are not alone in this world. And that reminder will make you a much better human.

What do you do to make yourself less lonely?