Cocktail hour holds a special place in the history of our country. But here’s a big secret: Its importance had very little to do with the drinking that occurred.

And its importance didn’t have much to do with the timing either. It could have been at any time during the day and still have served its purpose.

What was that purpose? To give people a breath during the day and allow them to reset so they could come back to what they’re doing fresher and more mentally capable.

So what is cocktail hour and why should you bring it to your life?

A bit of history

The first time I came across this concept was in Doris Kearns Goodwin’s book on leadership. She explored the similarities in some of our greatest presidents and one of those happened to be some form of cocktail hour. It wasn’t a drinking time for every president. It did involve some kind of daily breath from their work.

But we have to discuss the King of Cocktail Hour: President Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

He had the greatest stories because of his absolute devotion to his cocktail hour. He had strict rules that he expected all participants to adhere to and that included absolutely no talk about work during cocktail hour. Yes, during the height of World War II, he had an hour a day that he took away from all talk about war and their strategies to get through it.

Did this result in some comical situations? Yes. For example, he was staying at his mother’s house. She didn’t allow alcohol in her home so she was vehemently opposed to cocktail hour. They had it in a broom closet. That was how devoted he was to getting his hour away from work.

And then there was the time Eleanor Roosevelt wanted his attention on a program that was important to her. She didn’t understand his need to take this breath and thought he should be spending every waking second working. So she thought nothing of bursting in. He pretended she didn’t exist. Not great, but it was likely the only way to get through to Eleanor that the cocktail hour was sacred.

What is cocktail hour?

Like President Roosevelt, I see cocktail hour as an hour every day where work is banished and you engage in something that refreshes you. He was refreshed by being around others. I’m refreshed by solitude. The specific activity is not important. Whether it refreshes you does.

I personally take an hour first thing in the morning. Anything that taxes my brain is not allowed during this time. I don’t log into social media in any form. Instead, I make a cup of coffee and curl up with whatever book I’m currently reading. And I just breathe in the absolute quiet of the morning. My cat likes to join me, but he’s the only one exception to the rule. The most he asks of me is cuddles and pets. Both of those make me feel more like myself, so it’s allowed.

In other words, I have strict rules as well. I am very protective of this time to make sure I’m a better and more productive person. I accidentally slept through this time this morning, and I’m a wreck that’s having trouble getting as much done. And my daughter is a wreck because I’m more impatient than normal. I’m just not as equipped to deal with the balance of work and a toddler. It’s a completely different kind of day than if I took my cocktail hour first thing in the morning.

Why do you need cocktail hour?

Does anyone else feel like if they have one more thing to do they might break? Or that the world is moving too fast and they need to figure out how to slow it down so they can just be? That’s why we need cocktail hour.

The world is moving too fast. It makes us turn our brains off and not make great decisions, because we are constantly just acting. We are acting like we are in a state of emergency instead of in the middle of this one great life. We leave no time for our brains to figure out difficult problems and it’s pure luck if we do get to a good solution.

When your brain is left to relax and not think about things, it is amazing what will happen in the background. I have found my greatest solutions to problems always come to me when I am doing something completely different and just allowing my brain to wander of its own accord. That is ultimately what cocktail hour is: A time to let your brain wander.

How do you bring cocktail hour to your life?

The first thing to consider is timing. What time of day can you consistently step away from everything?

When I thought this through, I realized I couldn’t do this at night because my partner and child both need me at various times, and I just couldn’t commit to being alone every day at that time. During the day was out of the question, because I am always scrambling for more bits of time to work. So even though I consistently have three hours without my daughter during the day while she naps, I have already fully committed that to work. The only time I could fully commit to being the person I truly am is an hour before anyone else in my house gets up. It’s not ideal and I have to go to bed earlier because of it, but you have to give up some things if you want to claim this kind of time.

The next step is to figure out the best use of this time. I thought I knew exactly what recharged me. I have since found that it changes from time to time depending on what’s going on in my life. There are times where I read everything I can, and then there are times where I just stare at nothing while I sip my coffee. Both times have helped me in their own way. I personally only need the quiet and knowing that no one will tug on me with their needs. You might need something more specific than that. I wouldn’t perfectly plan the time, but I would make available anything that has recharged you in the past and just go with what feels good in the moment.

Practice cocktail hour

And then just be. Don’t force anything. Don’t judge what you’re doing. Live in the moment you are in with no thought of before and after. It’s a hard practice to do, because we all have such long lists of to-dos. I assure you that your brain will work on it in the background which will alleviate a lot of your stress in the long run. You just have to let go and be in the moment now for the magic to happen.

Don’t judge yourself if you can’t let it all go the first time. Just keep practicing until you can. Cocktail hour is above all a practice and you will eventually get there if you keep practicing.

Have you ever brought cocktail hour into your life? How did it go?